Endurance: On Being Prepared Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually for The Long Haul To The End

The Schumann Resonance is quiet. 

I know.

I feel it in my heart.

And I am okay.

Yesterday I was called in for backup call in the Operating Room. It was surreal. I know and trust that God is working to heal something both inside of me, and at the hospital with my patients. All I wanted was to go home. But I couldn't.

For our GI cases, there is one less person on the GI team, the nurse who prepares and recovers the patients. Our procedure nurse had to do double-duty. So turnover is slow.

I came in at ten, and didn't leave until six hours later. I did five cases, that's good, I need the money. But time had a sense of dragging on and on.

You know how I felt punched in the stomach by Anthony's CHANGE MY MIND sign he hung prominently in my face about the pool pump? Well, I had yet another experience like that with the GI nurse who was taking call. He's been a Tech, went back to school to become and RN, and works at my old workplace now. He is kind and covers the call on the weekends. 

He couldn't recover an ICU patient, he said. And I challenged him, saying, that's anesthesia's call if the patient recovers in PACU or ICU, I can't predict the future on this patient. The other PACU nurses are genuine PACU nurses, two of them, paid to wait mostly, but also to recover the surgical patients. They offered to help out if that was the case. I said we could play it by ear.

After I did the general anesthesia for the ERCP, the patient was totally awake within minutes, and could even sign a consent practically, as I helped the RN push the patient to ICU. The nurse exclaimed, 'he is this awake already? THAT IS GOOD ANESTHESIA!'  Things are different here at out hospital. I smiled.

But even later, with the last two cases in sight, the nurse stopped me, and asked if they could eat. There's no breaker person for anyone in the OR on the weekend. And of course, I said yes for him and the tech. 

Later, as I finally was able to go home, and walked to the locker room, I saw the nurse who had been running the OR with the first call lineup. She looked exhausted, almost haggard. She was hungry. No one in the team had taken time to eat. I'm so glad I let our team eat.

Myself, I had the most tasteless meat, mashed potatoes, gravy and zucchini I've ever had in my life at the cafeteria. But I sat with the GI tech, and she was behind me by two years at the same high school. We just were able to talk. Both single moms, both unlucky in partnership and love...she's been married two times too. Her second husband deceived her. He was a successful businessman, and gave her money, but she didn't know what he did because he lied. He had two large marijuana farms! This was long before it was either medical or legal. She didn't mind what he did, it was the lying that got to her. 

I totally understood. 

I'm okay.

The pain I described yesterday was my reaching the point of my life lessons over many incarnations.

It took an 'I give up' from my heart, my letting go of fighting the resistance.

It felt like a whole stack of records on the record player just aligned and played at once, and I understood the point of every incarnation, and I saw instantly with my soul the gifts everyone has ever played in being my teacher to help me achieve this lesson. Everyone. Especially the ones who caused me pain and suffering. 

Life lessons like this sound absolutely ridiculous to someone who has already learned it, and their life lessons which are agonizing them, which are not mine, are super easy to see right through and I wonder to myself, 'why the struggle?'

What could wound my soul so much I'd be in shock at learning the truth, and Raphael would come around to help piece me back together?

It's going to sound like a joke, but I am not joking.  

If taken from a Galactic perspective, it totally makes sense.

Someone, through their free will, liked someone else better than me while incarnate. Someone close to my heart. Someone perhaps I had a right to expect support or had gotten support from in the past. 

My mother favored my sisters.

Ross, chose to cheat.

Jared, pushed that button perhaps stronger and more often than anyone else.

Betrayal is commonplace in the third dimension. 

And incarnate, it's all TRUE!

No matter how hard I tried to be beautiful, excellent, witty, and charming--from my soul--it boils down to this:  I am strawberry ice cream and the person for whatever reason picked pistachio, and there is nothing I can do to change my strawberriness about the whole thing.  My entire soul signature has been rejected like it's a flavor of the week by someone important to me, and that's the way it is on Earth.

Well, what do I think about that? 

How do I feel?

Numb.

In shock.

And I know good things will arrive after I accept this and assimilate this Truth.

It might not be the same Truth for you, yours is different. 

It's kind of like today. I'm assigned to work with a Pain Doctor, who by some strange coincidence, was the one the person suing me for malpractice years ago, chose to be her medical expert. He gets paid lots. And I've read him trashing my professional reputation--in print--when my lawyer provided me a copy. 

What can you do? I need the money too. So, I've ignored and sidestepped the obvious, and cultivated a friendship with the guy, at least, professionally. I know he likes sushi. They eat it so much his wife has had to take medicine to get the mercury out of her system. I just let him talk. Politically he thinks he's correct. I keep my mouth shut on everything I know. And I do my very best anesthesia care for his patients. It's difficult with a pain doc because they are anesthesiologist first and then go on to more training in their subspecialty. It's not like a surgeon because a surgeon could never do my job. 

Isn't this hideous?

A three-eyed cat and broken bones?

This is part of my lesson. 

I'm serious, it totally is. The people who create this chose to separate from God, Divine Creator, and they are trying to be their own Gods (do what thou wilt).  I'm sure they hate themselves as souls deep down, and have twisted it as if Creator betrayed and rejected them. 

HUMILITY is one of my most important lessons, Blessed Mother has explained to me that as long as I am humble I will have my spiritual strength.  (I got the unspoken feeling that I've crashed and burned on that lesson lots of times before this incarnation, lol. I took it to heart this time around. Even my friends on the block used to say to me all the time, 'don't be stuck up, Carla!'. Not that I ever was. But in Southern California in the seventies, being stuck up was the worst you could be and you wanted to avoid it.)

Besides, I've been one of 'them', the ASSC. I remember it. There's a thing going around about trafficking, and how the victims are abused about on average five times a day (raped). That was about how often it happened to me too back in the day, although I didn't know it was rape because I was taught to be a sex worker. I can verify it from that immediate past lifetime.

I won't be pointing fingers but I'll be certainly glad when Gaia surface is clear of their disharmony and low vibration.

I know.

I know the truth.

That was the gift Spirit gave me after my lesson.

I heard it on an episode of Ancient Aliens  about Time Travel.

Thank you Jesus for me never having to learn it from the ones who told me the other half of that truth--how I am important and who I am besides Gaia. 

I trust my friend.

I do not trust his friends who tell him things. 

I can read the energy signatures.

I will do everything I can to honor this truth, now that I know.

Knowledge is like a sword. It depends on who wields it and for what purpose.

I had no idea when I wrote yesterday's post, of the truth.

Today I do.

Everyone has their truth.

Everyone has their lesson. We must respect and honor this.

Everyone has their right to take as long as needed to learn their lesson, even across many incarnations!

They have a right to learn and not to be judged.

When they harm others, then kick it up to Divine Creator. 

When the angels come to help, like Raphael did for me, accept and allow, and take the time you need to get over the shock. 

Back home, everyone loves everyone, betrayal doesn't exist, and nobody faults anyone for wanting to try pistachio because it doesn't hurt strawberry who is quite content to be the best strawberry there ever has been!

Raphael is teaching me that wanting to try different flavors isn't a sin. That it's part of growing. And I am still ME. It doesn't affect me at all, the rejection or even the comparison. In our culture, here in the US, due to our Puritanical roots, being a 'side chick' isn't an option, ever, it's just not good. Neither is being a home wrecker. Both of those are way, way worse than being 'stuck up'. 

So I've been given medicine. Yes. Raphael wants me to listen to this song, as often as I can, until my pain heals. 

Sometimes, in giving up, it's actually a victory. You don't have to expend the energy you did when you are fighting the inevitable. 'How could my mom like my sister better than me? Moms don't do that?'--well, actually, my mom did. In a big way. She would deny it. But it was true. You can see by her actions what her true affections were.

Here we go: