How To Attract Quality Women Without Being Successful

Whenever my best friends and my mother hear about my sob love stories, they remind me of this universal truth.

“It’s because you don’t make enough money.”

I’m not naive. A man’s financial status is comparable to a women’s face. We’re wired to measure potential mates by certain biological traits. Still, I think theres’ a misconception about how women’s brain really works on a subconscious, primal, emotional level.

It’s less about a man’s resources and more about his potential. And the indicator that someone is a high-status male in the tribe is his level of self-value and courage. Not literally how many exotic cars he parks in his garage.

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Women are drawn to your inner value more than your societal status

Although there are women who prioritize money over feelings, most of them are more interested in how highly you perceive yourself. Wealth indicates your survival ability. Even more, your car, house, and clothes merely reflect your self-image. They’re tools, not the end all be all to attracting women.

It sickens me how insecure my Chinese guy friends are about not having successful careers and driving fancy cars. They believe that’s the only way they’ll ever get a chance with a beautiful woman because it’s the prerequisite to be considered a possible boyfriend. They tell me that you better have a load of cash unless you’re extremely handsome or talented.

Women’s emotions aren’t triggered by someone’s success but by his competence and drive. A wealthy-born college student who’s only interested in smoking weed and clubbing won’t flip a girl’s attraction switch more than a starving artist who shows ambition and leadership qualities.

So when guys think that girls lack interest because he drives a Honda Civic, it’s less about the car quality but more about how little value he places on himself or invests in himself.

What, you have no appeal outside of your job?

Women also weigh a man by his all-around qualities. What’s your lifestyle? Are you a good communicator? Do you have a good sense of humor?

If money was the deal-breaker for whether a girl will fall for you or not, you don’t have much value outside of your wealth. Eventually, whoever you date will become dissatisfied or simply treat you like an ATM.

So, develop more hobbies, take more classes, learn more about life, become an interesting person. Your Versace sandals should only be an expression of your high-value self, not your personal value itself.

Attracting women with your money invites the wrong type of people

When you flash your Rolex to a hot chick in hopes that she’ll be impressed and start seeing you in a romantic way, you’re persuading her to develop a favoring feeling for your possessions, not you the person. Because you’re subliminally telling her your watch is the best asset you can offer as a human being. If you were to reveal the difficult entrepreneurship you went through to reach that status, then we’re talking about your competence as a person, which is something entirely different.

Her first impression of you shouldn’t be that you’re someone qualified to support her shopping sprees and take her on expensive trips, but that you’re funny, charming, and interesting. Otherwise, you’ll become a tool, not someone she falls in love with.

There are dudes living in vans with beautiful women begging for their attention

I’ve seen drop-dead gorgeous girls chasing after douchebags who don’t even own a car. Yet, she’ll drive him around or let him borrow her car.

The one thing all of these men have in common is just how little they care about other’s opinions of him, especially to the girls who can’t seem to get enough of them. They exude an aura of masculinity that screams, “no matter how hot you are, I’m not intimidated nor will I bend myself in any way just to gain your validation.” This take-it-or-leave-it attitude conveys incredible self-belief and independence. Women subconsciously pick up the sense that these studs can provide and protect their offsprings. They’re the real men.

What women truly responds to

The ladies man may always seem to be the blinged-out guy at the club, or the tall, chiseled muscle stud, or the high EQ pick-up artist. When in actuality, they’re usually the guys with high standards and are secure in who they are. They just come in various forms.

So money won’t save you from your struggling dating life. It can help. The key is to reshape your deep-seated beliefs about your personal value. Until then, more money might only bring on more superficial relationships.

In his book Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty, Mark Manson said it’s about investing in yourself more than others. Basically, most men discover their worth through others’ opinions instead of finding it within themselves. The less approval you need from the outside, the more certain you’ll be in yourself and the more free and bold you’ll live and interact with women.

Besides, it’s much more satisfying to garner affection without using money. You’re so much deeper, broader, richer, and more valuable than the things you own.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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