How Can I Find an Emotionally Available Man?

I KNOW WHAT YOU GO THROUGH

Hey. Yeah, you. Woman who keeps searching for a man to actually ask a question. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? Initially you like a guy. He had decent conversation leading up to your date. Now that you’re on a date all he does is talk. For an hour straight. No breaths. God. Apparently, he’s the greatest. The punchline? He doesn’t ask you one question. After you sit like a mouse for an hour there’s a pause. You wait. You’re getting hopeful. Maybe he’s going to ask you a question.

He says, “Things are going great! Let’s head back to my place.”

You say, “No thanks.”

He throws a temper tantrum.

Apparently, “You just wasted five hundred bucks on dinner.”

Does this sound like you?

WELCOME TO THE CLUB

Women. I can’t offer you advice on yourselves. I can only give advice about men for you to better understand men. Why? Because I’m a man. There is no one more qualified to tell you about a man’s intentions than a well-intentioned man. All I get from you is a read.

So read up. Follow every letter. These sentences will take you where you need to go. I promise.

I count myself as an emotionally available man. I’m not old. I’m in good shape. I’m well-traveled (over 30 countries). I communicate well. I’m also unmarried. I’ve had what many call success. I detail my accomplishments in my international best seller, “I Made It Then I Didn’t” if you’re interested in qualifying me.

I can tell you about men like me. If you’re interested. Keep reading.

SOCIETY KEEPS SELLING YOU FOOL’S GOLD

Society says you should get all these qualities in a man. The issue with society is it’s sending you the wrong package after you order from its catalog.

We are living in a bait and switch society. Today’s society props up arrogant men with money and tells you they are the prize. These men with money expect it to buy things. Apparently, they think this includes you. Society says you should be lucky to be there.

I know. It feels insulting. It stings to read the words out loud. None the less you all keep falling for it.

LET’S START QUALIFYING SUCCESS

Success for men usually means money. It is rare for men to define their purpose as 1) Having a Wife, 2) Having Children, 3) Finding their Soul Mate or 4) really anything of interpersonal substance.

The catch is men make money for women.

I really mean that.

WHY MEN GENERALLY MAKE MONEY & HOW THEY SPEND IT

Men don’t buy flashy jewelry, nice cars, big houses, or designer clothes to impress each other. This is a behavior exclusive to women. Men obtain resources with the specific purpose of attracting women.

Immature men obtain money to increase their odds in bed. Mature men obtain money to increase their odds with female loyalty. Emotionally available men obtain money to give them time. With this time emotionally available men are freed up to devote themselves to forming healthy long-lasting marriages.

Ironically each of these men obtain money for the same purpose.

Women.

We each express our resources differently. Immature men demand attention, so their spending centers around attention (super expensive cars, exotic trips, et cetera). Mature men try to impress women with lifestyles (typically have mansions, trips are local to the “lake house”, cars are classics). Emotionally available men express our wealth subtly and are defined by stability versus flash (new house paid off in modest neighborhood, trips are purpose driven and has one nice car).

MEN SEE RELATIONSHIP POTENTIAL DIFFERENT THAN WOMEN

Men never use the word partner unless they are referring to their business partner. There is vast difference between our mindsets. It is extremely rare to find an ambitious man searching for a woman partner. This includes emotionally available men too.

I am not shaming partner seeking women. There’s nothing wrong with that arrangement. All I am saying is the general “want” of men does not involve women as partners. We are all entitled to want what we want. We are not entitled to have what we want want us back.

The positive.

Most mature men view the marriage as a team.

Team is different than partnership. Think about a football team. Who’s more important? The quarterback? The center? The receiver? All are equally important. Only one gets remembered when he throws a touchdown.

That’s kind of how men see marriage.

Most emotionally available men are looking for a good team member. There is an exception to every rule but in general we don’t want partners. Emotionally available men do not marginalize women. They will not insult women. They will respect women. They just don’t want women to be them.

Emotionally available men are still masculine men. We do not want to be demasculinized by being a partner. There are some women who call this “toxic masculinity”. I don’t think there is such a term. There are just men who are masculine and those who aren’t.

NUMBERS DON’T LIE

Alas the facts. Tradeoffs come off with the territory. It is rare to combine every item in your checklist ladies. I see many often categorize this as “Settling”. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I’m being realistic. Remember there are something like 168 million ladies in the US. There are only so many of us. If there are less of us than you it means some of you will go without. It’s not arrogance it’s just basic math. Everyone can’t get a cookie if there aren’t enough cookies.

Women are hypergamous. So, let’s start off with earnings. Nothing more than money. The selection of eligible men is paper thin.

The average millionaire household’s total annual realized income is $131,000, while our average income is $247,000. Note those of us who have incomes in the 500–999,999 category (8 percent) and +1 million (5 percent) skew the numbers upward (See my international best seller, “I Made It Then I Didn’t” for my citations on these stats).

The 2020 Census Bureau reported 24.1% Americans made over 100k. If we assume an equal distribution between men and women, it means only 12.0% of all men earn over 100k a year.

According to the United States Census there are only 332 million people in the United States. Total men between 20–49 make up 56.3 million of the US Population. In the entire country there are about 5.6 million men between the ages of 20–49 earning more than 100k a year.

PEW Research found only 38% of men are unpartnered.

If we define entry level requirements of consideration with unpartnered males to include incomes over 100k a year, this means only 2.1 million men are available for all women.

There are nearly 160 million women. If we apply the 38% unpartnered number to women, we find 60.8 million unmarried women (in all ages). Assuming all these women are heterosexual and want to be married (didn’t say need I said want) the numbers don’t look good. We see many women are going to go without a partner if income is the basic requirement for marriage entry.

There are literally 30x the women to us men.

If we narrow this by personality, weight, health, faith, attractiveness, et cetera…it gets bleaker. Ladies you might be chasing about 500,000 of us at best.

There might be almost a 120:1 ratio. That’s a lot of competition.

WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO FINDING AN EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE MAN?

Lose the income requirement. Emotionally available men are available. Ladies you can call it lowering your standards. Ladies you can call it settling. You can call it whatever you want. The fact remains these high-income single men can’t marry all of you.

Regardless of your mindset. Regardless of how good you look. Regardless of anything there just isn’t that many of us to go around.

Ladies must shake free of society’s false packaging. The real emotionally available guy is the guy who drove 4 hours just to hold your hand. This was after you cried with him on the phone for an hour. He might be pulling up in a 15-year-old F150. He’s getting off from his overnight warehouse job…but he’s pulling up.

Those DM’s pulling you away from what’s already pulled up in front of you is the cause to your loneliness. Break free from the lie media feeds you. Let go of defining success by money. Money doesn’t bring success. It just brings time. I have nothing but time. I use it to think. What about you?

To your knowledge success!

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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